lol yourself
by Mornen
Summary: Legolas just doesn't get texting.
1. Aragorn and Legolas

Legolas smiled gleefully down at his new cell phone. It was shiny, compact, very technological looking, and (most importantly) he could write messages to people on it, even if they were in the very same room. He glanced over at Aragorn and tapped out a quick message.

_Aragorn has long messy hair; Legolas has long beautiful hair._

'There, that should irk him enough to respond,' he thought, practically bouncing on his seat with excitement.

Aragorn looked down at his cell phone as a new message came in. Thoughtfully, he frowned. 'What a strange message to receive,' he mused to himself. 'Especially if he's sitting right there.' He glanced to Legolas, who was staring down at the screen with great curiosity, and with a sigh wrote a quick response.

_aragorn's smart & handsome legolas is silly & annoying_

He rolled his eyes as he sent it, hoping that Legolas would get the point and leave off abusing his phone. But no, it was less than five seconds before the next message came in.

_Legolas has nice teeth. :)_

'Where in the name of miscellaneous macaroni did he learn to use an emoticon?' Aragorn wondered. He glanced at Legolas, who was giving him a most challenging look. He sighed again and sent him another message.

_legolas isn't showing them ^^_

The elf frowned as he read it, and then smiled again. He gave a triumphant nod in Aragorn's direction, and the would-be king checked the new message.

_Legolas would never show them to so irritating a man._

'Of course,' he thought, thumbs flying over his phone.

_which is why we are typing and not speaking?_

Two seconds.

_Right on, brother._

'That's weird,' he reflected. 'I've never heard him call me "brother" before.' He decided to ask the elf about it.

_so, i'm irritating, but i'm still your bro?_

Legolas did not look in the least phased as he punched down a reply.

_Sure, why not? People are always complaining about their siblings._

Aragorn smiled to himself and shook his head.

_legolas, you are silly imao_

There was a very long wait. In fact, after three minutes Aragorn was quite certain that Legolas had simply given up on the whole texting business and would leave him alone to read his book. _How to Become the King of Gondor for Dummies_ was actually quite helpful and easy to read. It was the best present Gandalf had ever given him, he decided. But, it was not to be. Five minutes letter the next message came in.

_"imao?"_

So that was it. He had been confused by the abbreviation. It figured.

_Legolas, you just don't get texting lol_

He could see the elf squirm on his seat across the room and make a quick face at the phone. And then:

_Eeek! Not texting!_

Three seconds.

_What is texting?_

He didn't even know that? Aragorn turned a page in his book. There should be a chapter on how to deal with princes of the Wood Elves who had foolishly been given phones. The book would have been perfect then.

_it's what we are doing right now, silly. i'll give you a full definition asap_

Finally he got a verbal response from the prince. It was just a little snort, but it was something. Legolas, however, did not deign to answer him with words. He sent another text with a smirk and beamed at Aragorn.

_What? We are doing nothing of the sort. I'd never text; it's disgraceful. And anyway, I don't like sap; it gets stuck in my hair, and I can't get it out._

'Sap?' Aragorn said out loud, but Legolas did not answer him. He read it over a few times before he realized. 'Right,' he thought. 'He _really_ doesn't understand abbreviations.' He grinned and tapped something out.

_lol XD_

He could see Legolas look down at his screen. A strange expression of annoyance and curiosity had come across his fair face. He looked up at Aragorn for an answer, but the ranger had turned back to his book. With determination, he sent him another message.

_What in the world?_

Aragorn smiled and wrote down the response he had already been planning.

_i'm laughing at you :)_

Again he heard a little snort. And then a 'hmph'. And then a strange noise that sounded remarkably like 'kkee.' After that, he got a new message.

_This is disgusting. I hate you and all your nasty insults. lol yourself._

Aragorn bit back his laugh.

_darling, I wasn't insulting you lol means 'laughing out loud'_

There was another long silence. He could see Legolas out of the corner of his eye, glowering at the ceiling.

_What liar told you that?_

Aragorn actually couldn't remember. He typed up a quick guess.

_um…elladan?_

Legolas's features relaxed. He liked Elladan. With a quick shake of his head he sent along his next message.

_Oh, in that case, fine. But I am not being called a sap and that's final, got it? And I want my definition._

Aragorn chuckled as he answered him.

_asap is NOT an insult either. it means 'as soon as possible.' icyww, imao means 'in my arrogant opinion' and your definition is coming just as soon as I find wikipedia ;)_

Legolas paused, obviously contemplating if that was acceptable. He sent his next message with an irritated huff.

_Oh, I see, well, then why didn't you just say so? And what does 'icyww' mean?_

_it means 'in case you were wondering' icyww lol 8D_


	2. Gimli and Legolas

Gimli was not yet used to his new cell phone. In fact, he liked to pretend that it did not exist at all. So, when he got a text message on it, he felt very grumpy and looked down at it with irritation.

_Gimli_?

It was from Legolas, but it was just his name. How annoying. He grumpily wrote a grumpy response. The problem was, it did not sound grumpy when he texted it. It didn't sound like anything at all, actually. He glared at the sent message.

_What?_

Not threatening at all. He cursed the phone liberally until a new message came in.

_This is Legolas._

He had already known that! Couldn't the elf reserve phone use for emergencies like he did?

_So?_

Another useless message came in.

_Did you know it was me? :)_

Legolas should not be allowed a phone. No, no phone at all. He sighed and leaned against a tree; it was hopeless now, the silly thing wanted to chat.

_Actually, yes._

Maybe that would hold him off. It didn't give him any reason to answer. But, no, Legolas would not be deterred.

_How? I am texting you. You should not know who it is… :(_

He was frowning? Ha! What a joke. Gimli's irritation made him write a sarcastic response.

_I'm telepathic._

Why couldn't phones transmit sarcasm?

_Really?_

He _would_ believe it. Gimli felt more irritated than he had felt since Gloin asked if was going to shave his beard now that he was an Elf-friend.

_No, you silly thing! It says who is texting._

He hoped distantly for something that would show his anger and annoyance. Maybe there was… The next message broke off his musings.

_What does?_

What does what? Oh, what shows who's texting. That elf should know!

_The bloody screen!_

There. There was no way he would not know he was angry now. But, Legolas never failed to surprise him.

_Gimli, have you been fighting again? Tsk-tsk-tsk_…

He didn't get it, did he? Why would he be fighting?

_Fighting? Fighting whom?_

Trust an elf to blame a dwarf.

_Éomer, of course._

But Éomer wasn't even around. Trust an elf to think a dwarf could pick a fight with a man from leagues away. Then again, he could with his phone.

_No._

If he answered that…

_Then why is your screen bloody?_

_It's an expression, you dimwit! You're the only one around here worth fighting anyway._

Maybe Legolas would get the threat.

_Oh, Gimli, that's so sweet… But as for the 'dimwit' part: I'm killing you._

Sweet? Gimli glared down at the phone. Great, a death threat. Typical.

Where are you?

_In a tree. _

_Over your head. _

_With a bow. _

_Smiling._

Gimli looked up at the tree over him. It seemed empty enough. Another bluff? He sighed and started to write.

_I don't belie-_


	3. Frodo and Legolas

And now, the long awaited update! (At least, it might be…)

I noticed that a couple of you wanted to see Frodo get texted (*waves to LI7 and Shadownia 'Fried Rice' Clow*)…well, Frodo got texted. And apparently he can't spell.

* * *

Legolas put down his phone with a frown. This confounded new technology was definitely not all it was cracked up to be. He had just finished another blessed argument that had kept him up all night. Not that he needed the sleep, but that was simply a technicality. Legolas was not in a good mood.

Well, there was no use in moping about it, was there? He would put the blasted phone to good use! He'd…check up on someone!

_Hey Frodo,_

_How are you, my dear?_

He smiled. He had been kind to the dear Hobbit.

_I am well, I geuss. whp is this?_

Oh-no! Frodo was not fully convinced that he was well. There might be something wrong there! But Legolas was sure to find out what.

_This is Legolas. :)_

_Why do you guess?_

_Is something wrong?_

_Is something the matter?_

_Are you gravely injured?_

_Are you gravely ill?_

_Are you suffering *unimaginable* injuries?_

_Have you racked up too much of a cell phone bill?_

Legolas really could type fast when he wanted to.

_No, I jusdt have a head cold_

_and my stomsch huets. How are you?_

Poor little Hobbit, worried about him when he was sick.

_I'm good._

_I'm fine. _

_How did you get sick? _

_Do your thumbs hurt yet? _

Legolas smiled. He could teach Frodo something! Frodo liked to learn. He'd teach him…a texting shortcut, and then the poor dear wouldn't get a head cold from blundering about with enormous, gigantic words that forever entangled him in their ineluctable clutches.

_I hope you get better...lol_

There now Frodo would see it, and ask, and learn. Legolas really was a good soul at heart.

_Thumbs hurt? No, not yet. We just started texting..._

Blast! He hadn't noticed. Either that or he already knew about it.

_My thumbs hurt. I was up all night in an argument with Haldir. Did you see the "lol"? I just learned the "lol" :)_

There was a long pause.

_Um, that's interetsing. Is that some kidn of seal...to end texts?_

_No, it means "laughing out loud" Elladan told Aragorn, and I'm telling you lol._

Legolas practically bounced on his seat.

_Great. So, um. wiat! Are you laughing at me!?_

With a wicked smile, Legolas typed out a little joke. The "lol" would make it funny.

_Yep. :) Because you're sick.:) :) :) And Elves never get sick.:) :) :) lol ;)_

There was another even longer pause. And then:

_You horrible little elfling prince! I hopr you sprain your ankel and...get stuck in bramble brush that tears up your pretty clothes_

Legolas looked down at the phone in horror. Why would Frodo say something like that? The "lol" made everything all better. Hot tears flooded his bright eyes.

_I'll get stuck in your rose bushes. And then they'll...die! And then Sam's going to cry. And then you'll be sorry. Lol_

He sniffed.

_Get stuck in somenoe else's garden then..._

_No, I'll do it in yours. But I am not spraining my ankle._

Legolas held his head high bravely. If that's what the Hobbit wanted from him, that's what he'd get. But he wasn't going to be limping.

Another pause. Frodo wasn't too good at fast answers, was he?

_Forget it then. Your mombetory annoyince isn't worth the whining I'll get from Sam_

Legolas stared down at the screen. That sounded sort of like a joke. Had Frodo been joking with him? Was this a "mean joke" competition?

_So I win, right?_

_No, you don't win, becase I don't care. I am gonig to bed._

Legolas frowned. This wasn't like Frodo. Frodo wasn't mean… He must just be upset over losing.

_No, I won. I really won._

_Besides, it's morning. Why are you going to bed?_

A very, very long pause.

_I am sick, remebmer?_

Legolas sighed deeply. Frodo just didn't get it, did he? Well, it wasn't his fault if Frodo was behind in the great realm of technology. He smirked.

_Oh, right. You're sick. lol :)_


End file.
